so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
