Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
