Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just invented taco cereal.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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