what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
