how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
