Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize