When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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