the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
