Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
where does the pee come out of this thing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
