I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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