absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want a musical about memes.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
