Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
