Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
