And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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