All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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