Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
