he wants to bone in the snuggie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
