just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
