apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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