If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
