And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
