Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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