I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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