I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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