Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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