no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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