question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
