around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
