i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
