I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I supernannyed him into submission
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
