Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
