I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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