My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
