Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
