Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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