Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
