you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
