I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
