sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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