I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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