We're facebook friends in real life
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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