Your mouth is God's brothel.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
