Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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