That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
sex in a hospital.. check
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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