i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
