just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
no you cant smoke seaweed
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
