Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
