i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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