You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
