apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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