we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
