You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Farmville is her only friend.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
